except
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Back Room/Dark Room – Any area in a gay bar, party, or club that is designated or overtaken for cruising and sex. Often a feature of sex clubs and bathhouses, they can be simple or grand, sometimes with mazes, glory holes, private nooks and fantasy scenery.
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Also, “House System.” Refers to the style of underground “houses” or families documented in the film Paris is Burning. Combining coronation and competition at events known as balls, contestants (sometimes in drag) perform "walks" that sometimes including dancing and vogueing in various specific categories to win trophies or prizes. The houses are typically led by a single leader, a respected house mother or even father. The house children adopt the family name, which is often appropriated from a fashion designer. The best known houses, like House of Xtravaganza or the House of Ninja, hail from New York City. See “Vogueing.”
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A gay man with a curved or bent penis.
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Anal sex sans condom.
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Refers generally to the bulge in a man’s underwear (See “Manties”).
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Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.”
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Bear Trap/Bear Run – A bear bar, or a bear event such as Lazy
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Describes a woman who provides “straight” cover for her gays by playing the role of wife or girlfriend (See “Fag Hag”). Note that younger gays are unlikely to be familiar with this term.
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Personal style in which both genders are referenced simultaneously. Also can refer to women taking male hormones. (See “Gender Fuck” and “Drag.”)
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Describes a subculture and community of gay men of a specific physical type, generally more hairy and more heavyset, often projecting a working-class or hyper-masculine image through their grooming and personal style. Debate abounds as to what constitutes a true bear, and many offshoots have emerged, including wolves (lean but masculine), cubs (young bears), and otters (hairy but lean). The term bear can also be used in conjunction with many qualifiers that further subdivide the subcommunity, including Leather Bear, Muscle Bear, Daddy Bear, Panda Bear (Asian) and Polar Bear (white hair). Also see “Goldilocks,” and “Woof.”
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Bend Over Boyfriend (BOB) - A supposedly heterosexual man who enjoys bottoming for a girlfriend that wears a strap-on dildo. Not to be confused with Battery-Operated Boyfriend, a term of affection for any battery-operated sex toy. Note that anal sex isn’t just for gay men, and that girls can be tops too!
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Alternate spelling of “boy,” often used online to distinguish gay boys in particular. Can be pluralized as “bois” or “boiz.”
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Can be used as a noun or a verb to describe someone who is submissive in a partnership, in a sexual relationship, or in life in general.
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A younger gay man (see “Twink”). Also used to refer to the submissive in a relationship, i.e. “Daddy and Boy.”
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Performance that combines burlesque and strip-tease and that features boys. Boylesque boys (or bois) are not to be confused with porn stars and sex performers. (Although one never knows, and one should never assume!)
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Refers to a Brazilian-style wax job that leaves the male pubic area hair-free in both the back and the front. See “Manscaping.”
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Sometimes derogatory name for any straight person. Can be used in the plural to describe a straight couple, whether or not they have offspring.
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A close, supposedly non-sexual relationship between men. Can be used as a verb, i.e. “Bromancing,” to refer to the act of male friends wooing one another in an effort to grow closer. If the men involved in the bromance happen to be gay, the relationship could grow sexual at any moment.
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Refers to a highly controversial subculture of gay men who actively pursue HIV infection. Bugchasers seek positive sexual partners for the purpose of having unprotected sex and sero-converting; and “gift givers” are HIV positive men who comply. Both are widely disdained and stigmatized, and it is important to note that, even though bug chasing involves bareback sex, members of the bareback subculture are not necessarily bug chasers. The difference is in intent.
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A bullet-shaped plastic contraption that delivers a “bump” of your favorite drug to your nostril in a somewhat discreet manner when executed properly. Pocket-sized and portable, these are the preferable system on the circuit dancefloor.
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Refers to people who only explore their homosexuality at Burning Man (see “Metrosexual”).
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Intentionally masculine looking and acting. The flip side of “Femme.”
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The look that emerged along with the modern gay rights movement during the 70s, as greater acceptance of gay men made it fashionable to be seen and identified with the group. Particularly in San Francisco’s Castro and New York City’s Chelsea district, a hypermasculine, rugged, working-class aesthetic came to be considered ideal, with Levis, leather, uniforms, moustaches, and muscles. The look has subtly changed over time and has continued to evolve, though classic imagery (Tom of Finland, The Village People) endures.
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Can be added to any label to describe the gay who fetishizes it, i.e. “Tranny Chaser” (often describes a straight or metrosexual man), “Bear Chaser,” or “Daddy Chaser.”
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Generally refers to members of the Pride Cheerleading Association (PCA), which includes groups like Cheer LA and Cheer San Francisco. Often made up of volunteers, these associations promote awareness, spirit, and diversity while providing a philanthropic outlet for adult cheerleaders. Extreme stunts and powerful dance routines entertain, inspire, and motivate audiences to make a difference in their communities.
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A young gay boy with “tender meat.”
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A young gay boy with “tender meat.”
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Born out of the gay rights movement to inspire and entertain, gay choral groups are vehicles of community solidarity, outreach, celebration, and fundraising. The San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus was the first openly gay-identified choral group, but most cities now have one or several gay choral groups.
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Anyone who adopts the gay dance circuit as a lifestyle, traveling from one circuit event to the next and treating each as a holiday. Easily identified by looking for the shirtless guy on the dancefloor with a perfect physique and dilated pupils.
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A dance event with historical origins in the gay community’s response to the AIDS crisis. Originally conceived as fundraisers and a means to celebrate life amidst loss, today’s circuit is global and extensive, with highly produced parties that sometimes have a community outreach component and sometimes are commercialized ventures. Circuit events are an expression of freedom as well as a statement of the power and strength of the gay community, but they are not without controversy, as they are often identified with a high degree of superficiality, promiscuity, and drug use. Some of the larger circuit parties are the White Party in Palm Springs, the Black and Blue Party in Montreal, and the Winter Party in Miami, each of which attracts attendees in the thousands to tens of thousands. See “Gay Cruise.”
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Refers to a life-shaping pattern of concealing one’s sexual identity from friends, family, or coworkers. A Closet Queen can refer to any homosexual who is still not “out” or openly identified as gay.
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To interfere, intentionally or otherwise, with a potential cruise, hook-up, or trick.
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A ring made from a variety of different materials that looks like a bracelet and fits around the base of a man’s penis to slow the flow of blood and thus maintain an erection for longer. They can be worn as sex toys or simply jewelry, and are not to be confused with Prince Albert piercings of the penis, which usually, but not always, includes a metal ring.
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An intentionally vague term used to describe one’s status when it lies somewhere between single and not, or to describe a relationship that isn’t necessarily monogamous or doesn’t necessarily involve just 2 partners.
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Typically a heterosexual man who enjoys dressing as the opposite gender and habitually presents himself to the world as the opposite sex. Cross-dressers may or may not identify as gay, and they may or may not gender identify with the opposite sex. Cross-dressers are not to be confused with drag queens, who assume a persona or character while dressing the part and who often perform as highly stylized lip-synchers.
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A term used in verb form to refer to checking out another gay man, perhaps in a sexually predatory way, but primarily characterized by nonverbal signals for sex. Also can be used in noun form to refer to the person being cruised, i.e. “Don’t eyeball my cruise.” Not to be confused with a floating bathhouse of a boat chartered by Atlantis Events (see “gay cruise”).
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Methamphetamine in its crystalline form, a highly addictive stimulant also known as Tina.
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A young bear, cute and cuddly.
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An older gay man. He may or may not prefer the company of younger men, but if he does and if he is moneyed, he is likely to be the dominant or top in the relationship. Also, “Leather Daddy.”
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The necessary post-work, pre-party snooze believed to sufficiently recharge a person before a long night of cruising and dancing.
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Anyone, but typically a thespian, who enjoys the company of drag queens and often serves in the role of “stage mother.”
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Refers to a female-bodied person, often lesbian, who adopts a masculine performance persona. The female counterpart to a drag queen, but not a faux queen because the persona being adopted is male. Some female-bodied people undergoing gender reassignment therapy also self-identify as drag kings, although this use of the term would generally be considered inaccurate.
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Refers to a man dressing (or "dragging") in female clothes and make-up, taking on the persona of a larger-than-life woman to perform and entertain as a hostesses or mistresses of ceremonies, or to celebrate a holiday or special event. Not to be confused with a cross-dresser. Also not to be confused with a transgendered person, though some drag performers happen to be transgendered (see “Gender Illusionist”). Drag shows range from amateur performances at small bars to elaborately staged theatrical presentations. They range in style as well, from glamorous and kitschy to disturbing and gory. Drag queens often serve as official or unofficial spokespersons for the community, leading outreach events, such as Pride celebrations and fundraisers. The 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City were inspired and led by drag queens, and drag queens maintain a strong tradition today. See also: Drag King, Faux Queen, Pageant Queen, Imperial Council.
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The person making, in the center of, or stirring up the drama, 366 days per year.
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Methylenedioxymethamphetamine or MDMA. A party drug known for its empathic, euphoric, and stimulant effects. The trip is often known as the “roll” or “rolling.” Ecstasy is often the drug of choice on the dancefloor (See “Circuit”).
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A female, typically straight, who prefers the company of gay men. Also, Fruit Fly, Queer Dear, Homosocialite, Homosociologist, Goldilocks
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A male, typically straight, who prefers the company of gay men (See “Metrosexual”).
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A loosely affiliated counterculture of mostly gay men seeking to "reject hetero-imitation" and redefine gay identity. The faeries began in California and have spread throughout the world over the past several decades, in tandem with the larger gay rights movement. The group challenges the commercialization and patriarchal aspects of modern gay life while celebrating pagan rituals and adapting rural living and environmentally sustainable concepts to modern technologies as part of their creative expression. Members embody fae or feminized ideals in gay men while also being fiercely independent, anti-establishmentm and community-focused.
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Refers to passing out in a drug-induced semi-coma (See “GHB”).
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Code used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.”
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Women who adopt and impersonate the exaggerated mannerisms of drag queens. Typically refers to a female who performs alongside and in the over-the-top style of drag queens.
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Refers to a swishy, fussy queen (See “Flaming Queen”).
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Rooted in the fanning or fan dancing tradition of the gay discos of the 1970s, as well as in the rave-style circuit parties of the 90s (think lots of black light and day-glo), flaggers have evolved the “flow” art form, which was initially popularized as a way to keep one’s self and others cool on the dancefloor. Flaggers spin large pieces of dyed and weighted cloth in circular, sometimes choreographed motions that match and visually amplify the music. (Note that the term “flagging” can also be used in the context of the Hanky Code to mean something entirely different.)
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Can be either a term of affection for or a derogatory reference to a very demonstratively gay man (See “Femme”).
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Code for “gay” that traces its roots back to the night before the Stonewall Riots of 1969, when closeted gay men flocked to Judy Garland’s funeral and were politically inspired and empowered by getting a sense, perhaps for the first time, of their strength in numbers.
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Female to male transsexual.
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Many LGBT persons grow up in religions that oppress and condemn their lifestyle as wrong and sinful, which doesn’t preclude their search for spirituality. A large network of inclusionary and non-judgmental religious groups support the spiritually inclined, perhaps the most famous and exemplary of which is San Francisco’s Glide Memorial Church, whose tradition is rooted in empowerment, recovery, and personal transformation.
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Exclusively gay vacations on chartered cruise ships (Atlantis Events, RSVP) that often feature circuit-style dance parties, weddings, showtunes, and Speedos.
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A supposedly heterosexual, or at least straight-identifying, porn star or escort.
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The Gay Games is the world's largest sporting and cultural event organized by LGBT athletes, artists, musicians, and others. Originally called the Gay Olympics, it was started in San Francisco in 1982 and is open to all who wish to participate. There are no qualifying standards to compete in the Gay Games, which brings together people from all over the world, including from many countries where homosexuality remains illegal and hidden.
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Describes the consolidation of power among gay organizations in politics and the media, and is typically associated with the upper echelons of the fashion and entertainment industries. Think David Geffen.
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Refers to the notion that assembling a gaggle of gays for any common purpose is not unlike herding kittens and thus takes much longer than anticipated. Gay Standard Time can mean anything ranging from a few minutes to several hours later than expected, and is universally understood to be inevitable. Also: Drag Standard Time (applying false eyelashes is never easy, and drag shows never start on time anyway) and Circuit Time (no sleep and many drugs makes for a late gay boi).
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Refers to the intuitive ability to assess someone's sexual orientation as gay, relying solely on non-verbal sensory information and intuition. Metrosexuality has made gaydar both more difficult and more necessary than ever before.
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The militaries of the world have a variety of responses to gays, lesbians and bisexuals. While some Western military forces have now removed policies excluding sexual minority members, China still bans gays and lesbians outright, and Russia excludes all gays and lesbians during peacetime while allowing some gay men to serve during wartime. Israel is the only country in the Middle East that allows gays and lesbians to serve openly. The United States technically permits gays and lesbians to serve in the military, but only in secrecy and celibacy (a policy known as “Don't Ask, Don't Tell”).
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Describes a supposedly heterosexual man who makes out with or hooks up with other men when he is drunk. Also “Cinderella,” “Night Gay,” or “Six-Pack Fag” (See “Metrosexual”).
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A form of androgynous expression that exaggerates and parodies typical gender roles, seeking to expose them as artificial. Examples include but are not limited to bearded ladies and chicks with dicks.
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A transsexual who also performs as a drag queen, intentionally blurring the line between the two.
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Anyone who rejects the idea that only two binary genders exist. A catchall term for anyone who identifies neither as male nor female, as both, or as genderless. Also, “Androgyny,” “Gender Bender.”
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Gamma-Hydroxybutyric Acid. A recreational drug that looks like water and that is used in medical settings as a general anesthetic. Also used to treat conditions such as insomnia, clinical depression, narcolepsy, and alcoholism, as well as to improve athletic performance, GHB is an intoxicant when taken recreationally. Extreme dosage sensitivity and abuse has led to the coining of the term “falling out,” which refers to the nearly passed out, and the drug is also commonly known as “the date rape drug.”
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A homosexual man who has never slept with a woman, a Kinsey 6. Also, Gold Star Lesbian refers to a woman who has never slept with a man.
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A fag hag who enjoys the company of bears.
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A gay boy who goes to the gym religiously, often in tight, cute, outfits that show off his impossibly perfect physique (See “Circuit Whore”).
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A highly specific clothing option used by some men to advertise and delineate sexual preferences. This code was widely used in the 1970s, but is much less used today because discretion and secrecy are no longer as necessary, and because online cruising is an even more direct and specific means of cruising. The hanky code typically references bandanna-style handkerchiefs that are both color-coded and placement-coded, and that are typically worn in the back pocket (a practice known as flagging that is not to be confused with the flow arts of the gay dance circuit). Generally speaking, hankies worn on the right side of the body indicate that the wearer is a bottom, whereas hankies worn on the left indicate a preference for being the top.
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A fag hag who particularly enjoys the company of A-Gays, and who travels comfortably in their highly exclusive scene.
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A fag hag who appreciates and actively participates in a wide range of gay subcultures, and who takes particular pride in being accepted as one of the gays in settings that typically include no women or straight persons.
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The International Imperial Court System, which originated in San Francisco in 1965, is made up of individual social and community service organizations bound together in shared structure, policies and goals. Originally intended mainly for "camp" fun, with camp titles such as empress and princess, courts throughout the world now serve as important community groups or “families,” raising funds and awareness for a broad range of altruistic interests.
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Jazz, Tap, Ballet. Refers to a formally trained dancer. Also “Showtune Queen.”
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Refers to a gym bunny who has crossed the line into steroid muscle junkie.
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An anesthetic drug used recreationally that is popular on the circuit dancefloor and that is often delivered by way of a bumper or bullet. At sufficiently high doses, users may experience the “K-Hole” a phenomenon not unlike Alice in Wonderland going down the rabbit hole that is likened to having one’s body separated from one’s soul.
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Named after Alfred Kinsey, a biologist who in 1947 founded the Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University. Kinsey’s scale represents sexual tendencies and behaviors along a continuum, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 being exclusively homosexual. His research has profoundly influenced social and cultural values, and is widely credited with introducing to mainstream society the idea that sexual identity is fluid rather than binary. 0 Exclusively heterosexual 1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual 2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual 3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual; bisexual. 4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual 5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual 6 Exclusively homosexual
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Leather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community.
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Slang term for a man’s sex hole. Sometimes refers to the vagina of a female-top-male (FTM) transsexual.
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A mental condition typically found in men in their mid to late 50s, brought on by the realization that old age is just around the corner. The difference between straight men and gay men going through “the change” is that gay men can empathize with the involuntary and hormonal nature of menopause, whereas straight men generally blame everyone but themselves for their temporary loss of sanity, wild mood swings, and general irritability.
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Refers to a gay man’s obsession with his workout regimen and caloric intake (or lack thereof).
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Refers generally to the grooming rituals of gay men, such as eyebrow plucking, artfully shaping facial hair and the removal of pubic hair (See “Boyzilian”).
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A supposedly heterosexual man with a strong concern for his appearance, and who displays many of the typical or stereotypical lifestyle tendencies, affectations, and mannerisms of homosexual men, such as the liberal use of styling and grooming products. Soccer player David Beckham is often described as the poster child for metrosexuality.
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Male to female transsexual.
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An adjective used to describe a girly gay man (see “Femme”).
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Derisive term used to refer to gay men who compete in pageants or contests in order to win a title or sash. While these competitions provide an opportunity to showcase one's talents and raise funds for worthy causes, there are aspects of these events and communities, including politics and pecking orders, that are not unlike the much-maligned beauty pageants of mainstream society.
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Refers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanilla.”
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HIV-positive
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A transgender person who has not yet had any type of gender reassignment surgery. Can but does not necessarily imply that this person wants surgery.
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Describes someone who receives during sex but is actually wielding total control; also can refer to someone who is passive aggressive.
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A gay man. Can be used interchangeably as a term of endearment or as a derogatory term, depending on context. Often used in conjunction with a modifier, which can range from merely descriptive (Leather Queen, Draq Queen, Theater Queen) to derisive (bitchy queen, fussy queen, messy queen). Also can be used as an adjective, i.e. “He’s so queeny,” and often refers to a particularly effeminate gay man (See “Nelly”).
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Gay. Can be used interchangeably as a term of pride or as a derogatory term, depending on context. A term intentionally and politically reclaimed by some, in protest of the term’s historical use as a slur.
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Short for “real girl.” Generally used to distinguish actual females from drag queens, cross-dressers, and transsexuals.
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Can refer to Asian gays, or to the men that chase them.
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The mutually agreed-upon word used by the submissive in a BDSM scenario to unambiguously communicate to the dominant a desire to stop the scene outright when approaching or crossing a physical, emotional, or moral boundary.
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Describes the inability to accurately or appropriately describe one’s sexual orientation due to the fact that one lives in San Francisco, a hedonism capital of the world that represents every sexual proclivity under the rainbow and defies categorization. Describes the gray area of the Kinsey Scale, in which most San Franciscans live comfortably.
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A slang and derogatory term used to describe M to F transsexuals. Also can be used as an umbrella term for anyone of questionable gender or that displays traits of both genders simultaneously (See “Transsexual” and “Gender Fuck”).
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A gay who seemingly knows all the words to every song from every musical ever made. A Showtune Queen is highly likely to also know all the dance moves (See “JTB”).
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An order of queer nuns to community service, ministry and outreach to those on the edges, as well as to promoting human rights, respect for diversity and spiritual enlightenment. The sisters believe that all people have a right to express their unique joy and beauty, and they use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency and guilt that chain the human spirit. They vow to promulgate universal joy and expiate stigmatic guilt while serving their respective communities. Although the San Francisco House, founded in 1979, is often referred to as the "Mother House," the Sisters have no central seat of power and no single ruling body. Houses now exist around the world, and each is an autonomous, unique group with its own Habits, culture and rules.
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A gay man with a sexual preference for men with large penises.
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Arguably the single most important landmark in the worldwide struggle for gay rights, Stonewall refers to a series of spontaneous, violent demonstrations against a police raid that took place on June 28, 1969, at the Stonewall Inn in New York City’s Greenwich Village. It was there that, for the first time on record, homosexual patrons fought back against raids by policemen, who were making arrests for engaging in then-illegal homosexual acts. Today, gay pride events are held annually throughout the world toward the end of June to commemorate the Stonewall riots.
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Refers to a young, cute and tasty boy with cream filling.
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Can refer to gays who perform in or just enjoy theater. Often refers to gays in theater groups and drama departments. Sometimes, but not always, used interchangeably with Drama Queen and Showtune Queen (See “JTB”).
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A fetish artist notable for his stylized homoerotic art and his influence on the aesthetics of modern gay culture. Over the course of four decades he produced some 3,500 illustrations, mostly featuring men with exaggerated sexual traits such as heavily muscled asses or improbably large penises. He is best known for works featuring hypermasculine archetypes such as lumberjacks, motorcycle police, sailors, bikers, and leathermen.
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Can be used as a noun or a verb to describe someone who is dominant in a partnership, in a sexual relationship, or in life in general (See “Bottom”).
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Refers to anyone just passing through, rather than engaging with, gay culture. A gawker, not a participant.
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Transgender/Transvestite/Transsexual are similar and related terms with important distinctions. Whereas transgender refers to gender identity that doesn’t match a person’s assigned gender, transsexual people are transgendered people who wish to alter their bodies (such as through sex reassignment surgery or hormone therapy) in order to be accepted as a member of the sex opposite to one assigned to them at birth. Transvestite is synonym for a cross-dresser.
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Refers to a gay man’s hook-up honey or fuck-buddy, and may or may not refer to a one-night stand, or the period between a one-night stand and a first date. The term can be used as a noun and a verb, i.e. “That’s my trick from last night,” or “I was out tricking last night.”
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Refers specifically to abusers of Crystal Meth (Tina), but can also be used to refer to anyone strung out on too many drugs or exhibiting tweeker-like traits, such as extreme paranoia, flagrant dishonesty, and a distinct lack of non-tweeker friends. Also “Cracked Out.”
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Boring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSM or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities.
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Someone who enjoys being both a top and a bottom. Also Switch.
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Male sexual enhancement drugs. Often considered a recreational or party drug and used in tandem with other drugs that tend to adversely effect sexual performance, such as ecstasy, speed, and cocaine.
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A highly stylized dance characterized by model-like poses and runway walks integrated with angular, linear, and rigid body movements. Refers to a unique and once underground inner-city dance subculture (see “Ball Culture”), which was popularized by a Madonna song and video in 1993.
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An area in close proximity to bear bars or bear events.
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A typical greeting among bears that can be used as either a greeting or while cruising. Also Grrr and Growl.
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